Nancy vs. PEOPLE WHO ARE TOO STUPID TO LIVE...
...is what this book should be called. First of all, please note that I have once again utilized the sarcastic quotation marks for the word "ghost." This is because, not only is there no ghost, but Nancy isn't even entertaining the idea that there MIGHT be a ghost. The only one who ever believes in ghosts in these books is Bess. I'd really like to have Nancy see a floating translucent dude and say: "Wow, that might actually be a ghost." But she never does. There are no ghosts according to Nancy, only "logical explanations."
Since I'm ragging on the book already, you might be wondering why I didn't have the same bitter reaction to The Mystery of the Tolling Bell. Well, that's because Tolling Bell was really, really good. This book has an interesting premise that just ends up getting bogged down by a plot that never makes up its mind about what it wants to focus on and characters who are literally so stupid that you want to throw the book against the wall.
Seriously. I have no idea how Nancy Drew didn't just throw her hands up and yell (in a Cartman voice, because that's how I'm imagining it): "Screw you guys, I'm going home."
The "plot" centers around Nancy helping an elderly woman who has buried her jewels someplace and doesn't remember where. WHY would she do such an idiotic thing? That's right--a ghost told her to. Nancy attempts to help old Mrs. Putney, who thinks she is receiving messages from her late husband, but often hits a wall when the woman refuses to follow her advice and is even downright hostile during the investigation. Throughout her investigation, Nancy finds a number of people (including Mrs. Putney) who have been duped into going to seances and then tricked out of their money. There are two young women in particular, Lola and Sadie, who have been giving their entire paycheck to a "Three Branch Ranch," which already sounds either like a cult or a retreat for polygamists.
Either way, these women are throwing all of their money away based on the word of dead relatives--and sometimes not even very close dead relatives at that. Why on earth would your rando third cousin give up the afterlife to hang out and give you stock tips?! C'MON, PEOPLE!
The problem with this story in particular, is that we're never really pulled into it. In most Nancy Drews, we become familiar with a certain location (whether it be another town, a dance studio, an old Inn or even someone's never-ending attic) and let our imaginations follow Nancy on her journey. In this book, Nancy, Bess and George go on road trips to the woods and I think: "Ooohh, spooky woods?" They head to New Orleans at one point and figure out a connection with some racketeers there and the Three Branch Ranch scheme and I'm thinking: "Oooohhh, New Orleans!" But then they come back again after like ten pages. By the time they finally get to Blackwood Hall, I'm just not immersed.
Not to mention the fact that Nancy's charity case this week is a bunch of FRIKKIN' IDIOTS. I'm sorry but all of the women being duped by fake ghosts in this story deserve to have their money stolen if they're going to be that stupid. Oh, wait. I'm NOT sorry. I’m not even HASHTAG sorry/notsorry because you’d have to omit the first sorry.
Even Nancy loses her patience at one one with the bone-headed Mrs. Putney, who keeps asking Nancy why she's never around when she calls (Um, she's investigating YOUR mystery! Shut up, you old bag!) and then proceeds to let unmarked black towncars take her to fake seances. She also wants to know who took her marble rye, because I just made that reference and it deserves to be honored. When her money is once again stolen, she reacts to Nancy coldly and tells her she's been dropping the ball and she won't speak to her again. Of course, at this point I'm praying that Nancy will grow some oves and kick this dunce to the curb. But of course she doesn't because she's just too curious.
In the end, there's not a real ghost and everyone gets their money back. Yaaaayyyyy (weakly). This one gets 2/5 mags. Even the scene where Nancy and Ned get caught in quicksand is a bit boring. And quicksand should NEVER be boring.
Head Injuries: 1 (11 total)
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