Nancy vs. car thieves, bombs, pissy Mortimer Bartesque-esque fops, and...the horrors of the Bayou!
The Haunted Showboat has two very important distinctions: One, it is the first book in the original series that isn't revised (the remainder of the "yellow" series--up to 56 or 64 sepending on who you ask--does not have revisions) and also, it's likely the best mystery.
I know I've already made such claims with Tolling Bell and will make such claims again with my first-read Nancy Drew and fave The Secret of Shady Glen. But...at least so far I have to say this is my favorite actual mystery. I won't be able to give it a full score, despite my love of the story, because reviewing these books while medium-woke keeps me from doing so, and the book is LADEN with predictable racisms surrounding New Orleans and Voudon culture. Like SO many stereotypes that my face was just frozen in that Chrissy Teigen cringe GIF for whole scenes.
Our mystery starts off quickly with Bess teasing a trip to New Orleans for her cousin Donna Mae's wedding and a possible mystery aboard a showboat. I really do love when the mystery is kind of handed to Nancy as the thin plot devices that have led her into others are getting a bit hard to believe. The girls decide to head off to Louisiana on a road trip in Nancy's little convertible, but before they can...NANCY'S CAR IS STOLEN!!!
Alright, that didn't need to be in all caps, but there you have it. For all of five minutes the girls think their trip is ruined, but then Carson Drew shows up like a really, really rich knight in shining armor (the armor is so shiny because he's so rich) and presents a brand new convertible. because he was thinking of getting her one anyway.
Wow. It's really a wonder Nancy Drew didn't turn out a stupid, spoiled princess with all the cars her father buys her. I'm pretty sure this is her fifth new car. Anyhoo, they head out on the road in the brand new car but are plagued throughout the entire road trip by the car thief, who Bess originally spots when she recognizes an ink stain in the back seat of Nancy's stolen car. Every time the girls set off again, something goes wrong with the car. The rear housing falls out, and the girls find a bomb strapped under the car.
I'm sorry, but what kind of thief steals a car and then uses the STOLEN CAR to continue terrorizing the victim of his crime? Well, the kind of thief that only stole the car in the first place to keep Nancy from going to New Orleans, but we'll get back to that later. Even with that, though, it's pretty moronic for the guy to use Nancy's vehicle to stalk her. Lamesauce. (The thief is lamesauce, not this mystery so far, which is amazeballs).
After several more incidents in this cat-and-mouse game (at one point, the thief somehow leads them up an icy path where a telephone pole is downed and sparks are flying everywhere. Then, I'm pretty sure he causes a blizzard, which leads me to the only safe (and conservative) conclusion: the car thief is Saruman.
So, the girls end up taking the path to Moria--er, I mean the longer path and finally arrive in New Orleans. When they get to Bess and George's cousin's estate, however, they find that their formerly sweet and laid back cuz is now a high-maintenance bratzilla (that's right, I just created a word. If the genuises over at Burritozilla can do it so can I). They get the whole story behind Donna Mae's wedding: apparently she had been engaged to a super-nice local boy named Charles Bartlome but ditched him unceremoniously when the aforementioned fop, Alex Upgrove came along. Alex Upgrove, though Oxford educated, is apparently not as attractive and thrice as annoying as Charles Bartlome and nobody knows what in the hell Donna Mae is thinking. Nevertheless, her parents are throwing an elaborate wedding party aboard a showboat where the bride and groom dress up like a prince and princess. The only problem? A serious of strange noises, mysterious calliope music and ghostly sightings...
Is this starting to sound like a reality show to anyone? My Big Fat Bayou Wedding? Runaway Bratzilla? The Real Belles of New Orleans? Pimp my Showboat? Wait, I've got one more in me... World's Deadliest Showboat Hauntings?
Nancy, as always, agrees to take the case, but is foiled at almost every turn by Donna Mae, who wants everything focused on her, and Alex Upgrove, whose nosiness about the mystery is starting to make the girls suspect that he might be involved in the alleged "haunting." That's right, folks. All hauntings are now in sarcastic quotation marks. My faith has been shattered.
Finally, Nancy is able to slip away and find time to check out the showboat, aided by Donna Mae's ex Charles Bartlome. He's been working to restore the boat for Donna Mae's parents (a glutton for punishment, apparently) and offers up two of his best friends to accompany the girls to the haunted boat. Nancy accepts their platonic invitation, as she's used to there being three friendly, non-sexually aggressive men to escort them whenever Ned and co. aren't around. Donna Mae, of course, blows her figurative top as she's already pissed off by Alex Upgrove's strange obsession with Nancy and the mystery. She calls Ned, Burt and Dave at Emerson, making it seem like Nancy and the girls are involved in sleazy New Orleans affairs (it is home to pirates, drunks and whores; tacky over-priced souvenir stores, if you believe the musical).
Completely unruffled, Nancy is pleased when the boys show up, diffusing any possible hurt feelings or tension, which somehow makes Donna Mae even madder. Wow. Does this girl belong in Sweet Valley or what? In any event, the arrival of Ned finally makes Alex back off a bit from his needling, obsequious behavior towards Nancy. The men are all relieved that their girls haven't strayed, but that relief doesn't last long, as they are recruited to play the part of jesters and clowns in Donna Mae and Alex's ludicrous wedding performance. Nancy, Bess and George all laugh at them mercilessly.
Meanwhile, Nancy solves at least half of the bayou mystery. The ghostly figures seen on board were apparently an elderly man, Mr. de la Verne who has been taking his ill twin sister to the boat to relive old times. It's a sweet storyline, and one that leads us to the ultimate reveal when the girls look through Mr. de la Verne's old Oxford yearbooks (do they have yearbooks in college?) and discover that the man posing as upper-class Alex Upgrove is a fake! Just as they glean this bit of information, the girls see a face at the window--It's faux Alex! (Fauxlix?) The girls soon get the rest of the story--Fauxlix and Nancy's car thief stalker are in cahoots and have been "haunting" the boat by playing music and making strange noises to detract from their own search for a long-lost treasure.
BRIEF ASIDE: Do you think all the treasures have been found at this point in time? Probably. It makes me sad to think of all these criminals stooping to boring-old armed robbery because there are no more vague leads to long-lost treasures.
Anyway, the action ties up with Nancy, Ned and the gang tracking down Fauxlix trying to escape with the treasure using the famous New Orleans Mardis Gras parade as a cover (why he didn't just blow out of town I don't fully understand but whatever).
They tell Donna Mae the truth about her good-for-nothing fiancee and she quickly pales, realizing she gave up a great man (Charles Bartlome) for nothing and has also been a spoiled, ridiculous douchebag. Undeservedly, she starts seeing Charles again and they soon announce their re-engagement. Bess and George are happy to have their cousin back and not the insufferable chore of a girl we've been dealing with for the entire book, but I kind of wish she would end up alone. Am I becoming less of a romantic?
Well, my newfound apathy regarding happy endings for complete a-holes aside, this was really a great mystery. Note I said mystery. I can't praise the book as whole because of the really cringe-worthy representation. And while William Shatner might scoff at this, I cannot in good faith review these books without pointing out the elements that could legitimately would kids. If I can't say that these things are wrong, what the hell am I doing reviewing these children's books? Other than having a ball swearing about them, that is?
This one would ABSOLUTELY get 5/5 mags but I take away a full mag and a half for racism, add a bonus half mag for it being hands down the best actual mystery in the bunch, and thus it is 4 out of 5 mags.
Less-than-quaint racisms: Um, yikes. Lots.
Head injuries: 0 (14 total)
New Cars: like a million...probably 5
Friday, May 9, 2014
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Book # 34: The Hidden Window Mystery (Original Edition)
This thriller starts with an intriguing and original mystery. A blundering local postman, who has been working the neighborhood "forever" is accused by a nasty neighbor of losing or perhaps stealing an important (and perhaps mysterious letter).
Where do I start with this innovative plot? A postman accused! A mysterious letter! It's....wait. Wait just a minute.
It's the exact beginning plot of Nancy's Mysterious Letter. And what the hell happened to Ira Dixon? I know he was set to retire, but this Mr. Ritter has allegedly been there "forever." What the hell?
Well, fear not, chums. This isn't the only mystery. In fact, there seem to be about one gazillion packed into 200 pages.
Mystery #1: The Strange Case of the Derivative Storyline
First, the postman is accused of stealing a hundred dollar bill that was supposedly mailed to Mrs. Dondo, a gossipy new neighbor who claims her brother, Alonzo Rugby (VILLAIN!), sent her the cash in the mail. Who sends cash in the mail? First mistake. Also, Mrs. Dondo is what Eric Cartman would refer to as a "Super King Kamehameha Beeyotch." She proceeds to run around the neighborhood spreading rumors about Nancy (for a while insinuating she took the money) and generally assassinating the character of poor Ira Dix--er, Mr. Ritter.
Look out, Mrs. Dondo. Nancy Drew does not take kindly to those who mess with local postmen, apparently.
Mystery #2: The Hidden Window Mystery
In what seems to be a total diversion from this initial crisis, Nancy reads about an English man's plea to find an old stained glass window featuring a knight with a peacock symbol. A thin lead causes Nancy to arrange a trip to Charlottesville, VA to meet with an artist who specializes in stained glass windows. In a remarkable (yet I will not remark on it) coincidence, Nancy's cousin Susan Carr lives there with her husband. The girls arrange to stay with the Carrs and head off.
In an idiotic move, the villains (who Nancy doesn't even know about at this point) send our girl detective a fake telegram from Cousin Sue saying that they are not welcome any more and should not travel to Charlottesville. Of course, this only piques Nancy's interest, and she, Bess and George arrange for a hotel with their endless supply of travel money.
Mystery #3: The Mystery of the Masked Man
The girls have only just arrived in Charlottesville when they hear a news report on the radio that announces a bad car accident. The report lists none other than Susan Carr as a victim of the accident! The news report then goes on to describe Cousin Sue's vehicle, make and model and announce which hospital she was taken to. Good going, news. I would SO want you on the case if I was in a car accident that was clearly not accidental. Why don't you let us in on some good local knife sales and give us the room number too? Morons. Anyway, Nancy and co. dash to the local hospital, where they discover that Susan was run off the road by a man in a mask. When the girls question her about the strangely brusque telegram, Susan says she has no idea what they are talking about.
Way to jump the gun, villains.
Mystery #4: The Screaming Peacocks of Cumberland Manor
When Susan and the girls head back to the Carr estate, Susan's husband Cliff announces that he has yet another mystery for the girls to solve. I must point out that even George rolls her eyes at this point and says: "Not another one!" I feel that, George. But buckle up. There are more mysteries ahead.
Anyhoo, this neighborhood case involves some mysterious circumstances surrounding Cumberland Manor, which an older man named Mr. Honsho bought a few years back. Since the man moved in, he has refused to open the grounds of his estate for the famed annual garden show. In fact, he put a high wall around the property and doesn't want to chat with any of his neighbors. Not to mention the fact that strange screeching noises come from the house every night.
Okay, first of all (I've said it before and I'll say it again)...first world problems. He won't open his house for a garden show? Boo-frikkin'-hoo. The Carrs seem nice, but they're starting to sound a lot like the 1%. Also, this Mr. Honsho sounds like my kind of guy. Likes his privacy? Check. Refuses to engage in inane chatting? Check. Strange noises coming from the house at night? Well, check but don't get too excited. I just have a really loud laugh and the nighttime is when I watch Brooklyn 99.
Despite the ridiculousness that is this "mystery," Nancy accepts. When she and the girls try to visit, they are turned away by a young cowboy-looking groundskeeper (A cowboy? In Charlottesville?). They wander down the road a bit farther and see a beautiful but creepy looking estate bordering the Cumberland property called "Ivy Hall." Could it be another mystery? Confusingly, yes.
Back to Mystery #2: The Hidden Window Mystery
Nancy tracks down the stained glass window artist, Mr. Bradshaw and worms her way into taking lessons from him so that she can scope out his studio. Unsurprisingly, Nancy is a natural at stained glass window making. And why not? She certainly picked up Pennsylvania Dutch pretty fast.
Nancy sees from a magazine clipping that Mr. Bradshaw has also read about the reward and search for the hidden window--could he be the one trying to keep her off the case?
Eh, I don't know, guys. He doesn't have a very interesting name. And he's not described as wiry, shrewd, dark or piercing. Something doesn't add up...
Oh, wait, his assistant is Alonzo Rugby, the "dark," "small eyed" and strangely named brother of King Kamehameha Beeyotch Mrs. Dondo. Suddenly it all makes sense. You know, these books make me wonder how much the police are taking tips in racial profiling from Nancy Drew... Anyhoo. For a while, Nancy is able to pick up clues and ward off Rugby, but eventually Mr. Bradshaw accuses her of snooping (justifiably) and she is asked to leave the studio.
This apparently causes a problem for the Carrs, who are now losing dinner party guests as the Bradshaws have shunned them. More first-world problems.
Mystery #5: The Clue in Ivy Hall
A friend of the Carr's, Sheila Patterson (and her daughter Annette) corner Nancy at the Carr's dinner party. They have another mystery for the girls to solve. At this point, I become concerned that George's eyes will roll right out of her head. Mrs. Patterson, an actress, recently purchased the creepy-looking Ivy Hall but is now afraid that it is...HAUNTED!
Sheila just doesn't know what to do! If she sells the estate, she may not get a good price and might not even be able to (gulp) keep her servants. Oh no!
Another thing--not only have the Pattersons been hearing strange noises from their house, but they have also heard the odd shrieking. One night, Sheila saw a peacock wandering around the Ivy Hall grounds and is certain that it's a bad omen (apparently there is an actual theater superstition about peacock feathers and disasters on the set).
After several stakeouts of Ivy Hall and an ingenious scheme to smoke out the ne'er-do-well, Nancy figured out that Luke, the cowboy-looking groundskeeper from Cumberland Manor is behind the "haunting." A poor ranch hand, Luke read about the hidden window in the same magazine and thought that it might be in Ivy Hall due to the estate's rich history. At first, the creepy sounds he made were accidental--just banging around in the attic and walls--but then he realized that if the ladies thought the house was haunted he could have free reign to look around. In the end, Luke made some mistakes but isn't our real bad guy. Annette, Sheila's daughter even pities him enough to let him take her out on a date. Bess warns her that "pity is akin to love" and that she'd better watch out. Truer words have never been spoken, Bess.
Of course, Luke was right about the location of the hidden window...
Mysteries #1-5 Conclusion
In a fairly quick wrap-up, Nancy and the gang locate the hidden window just in time to expose Alonzo Rugby, who, along with his King Kamehameha Beeyotch of a sister Mrs. Dondo, was already trying to sell a cheap copy of the stained-glass masterpiece to its seeker. Nancy exposes him, reveals the real hidden window and saves the day...
...and I have whiplash from the sheer volume of mysteries. I really did like parts of this (especially the Ivy Hall plotline) but I felt the whole story was just too diffuse.
Mags: 3 out of 5
Number of times I hate rich people: [tugs collar nervously]
Where do I start with this innovative plot? A postman accused! A mysterious letter! It's....wait. Wait just a minute.
It's the exact beginning plot of Nancy's Mysterious Letter. And what the hell happened to Ira Dixon? I know he was set to retire, but this Mr. Ritter has allegedly been there "forever." What the hell?
Well, fear not, chums. This isn't the only mystery. In fact, there seem to be about one gazillion packed into 200 pages.
Mystery #1: The Strange Case of the Derivative Storyline
First, the postman is accused of stealing a hundred dollar bill that was supposedly mailed to Mrs. Dondo, a gossipy new neighbor who claims her brother, Alonzo Rugby (VILLAIN!), sent her the cash in the mail. Who sends cash in the mail? First mistake. Also, Mrs. Dondo is what Eric Cartman would refer to as a "Super King Kamehameha Beeyotch." She proceeds to run around the neighborhood spreading rumors about Nancy (for a while insinuating she took the money) and generally assassinating the character of poor Ira Dix--er, Mr. Ritter.
Look out, Mrs. Dondo. Nancy Drew does not take kindly to those who mess with local postmen, apparently.
Mystery #2: The Hidden Window Mystery
In what seems to be a total diversion from this initial crisis, Nancy reads about an English man's plea to find an old stained glass window featuring a knight with a peacock symbol. A thin lead causes Nancy to arrange a trip to Charlottesville, VA to meet with an artist who specializes in stained glass windows. In a remarkable (yet I will not remark on it) coincidence, Nancy's cousin Susan Carr lives there with her husband. The girls arrange to stay with the Carrs and head off.
In an idiotic move, the villains (who Nancy doesn't even know about at this point) send our girl detective a fake telegram from Cousin Sue saying that they are not welcome any more and should not travel to Charlottesville. Of course, this only piques Nancy's interest, and she, Bess and George arrange for a hotel with their endless supply of travel money.
Mystery #3: The Mystery of the Masked Man
The girls have only just arrived in Charlottesville when they hear a news report on the radio that announces a bad car accident. The report lists none other than Susan Carr as a victim of the accident! The news report then goes on to describe Cousin Sue's vehicle, make and model and announce which hospital she was taken to. Good going, news. I would SO want you on the case if I was in a car accident that was clearly not accidental. Why don't you let us in on some good local knife sales and give us the room number too? Morons. Anyway, Nancy and co. dash to the local hospital, where they discover that Susan was run off the road by a man in a mask. When the girls question her about the strangely brusque telegram, Susan says she has no idea what they are talking about.
Way to jump the gun, villains.
Mystery #4: The Screaming Peacocks of Cumberland Manor
When Susan and the girls head back to the Carr estate, Susan's husband Cliff announces that he has yet another mystery for the girls to solve. I must point out that even George rolls her eyes at this point and says: "Not another one!" I feel that, George. But buckle up. There are more mysteries ahead.
Anyhoo, this neighborhood case involves some mysterious circumstances surrounding Cumberland Manor, which an older man named Mr. Honsho bought a few years back. Since the man moved in, he has refused to open the grounds of his estate for the famed annual garden show. In fact, he put a high wall around the property and doesn't want to chat with any of his neighbors. Not to mention the fact that strange screeching noises come from the house every night.
Okay, first of all (I've said it before and I'll say it again)...first world problems. He won't open his house for a garden show? Boo-frikkin'-hoo. The Carrs seem nice, but they're starting to sound a lot like the 1%. Also, this Mr. Honsho sounds like my kind of guy. Likes his privacy? Check. Refuses to engage in inane chatting? Check. Strange noises coming from the house at night? Well, check but don't get too excited. I just have a really loud laugh and the nighttime is when I watch Brooklyn 99.
Despite the ridiculousness that is this "mystery," Nancy accepts. When she and the girls try to visit, they are turned away by a young cowboy-looking groundskeeper (A cowboy? In Charlottesville?). They wander down the road a bit farther and see a beautiful but creepy looking estate bordering the Cumberland property called "Ivy Hall." Could it be another mystery? Confusingly, yes.
Back to Mystery #2: The Hidden Window Mystery
Nancy tracks down the stained glass window artist, Mr. Bradshaw and worms her way into taking lessons from him so that she can scope out his studio. Unsurprisingly, Nancy is a natural at stained glass window making. And why not? She certainly picked up Pennsylvania Dutch pretty fast.
Nancy sees from a magazine clipping that Mr. Bradshaw has also read about the reward and search for the hidden window--could he be the one trying to keep her off the case?
Eh, I don't know, guys. He doesn't have a very interesting name. And he's not described as wiry, shrewd, dark or piercing. Something doesn't add up...
Oh, wait, his assistant is Alonzo Rugby, the "dark," "small eyed" and strangely named brother of King Kamehameha Beeyotch Mrs. Dondo. Suddenly it all makes sense. You know, these books make me wonder how much the police are taking tips in racial profiling from Nancy Drew... Anyhoo. For a while, Nancy is able to pick up clues and ward off Rugby, but eventually Mr. Bradshaw accuses her of snooping (justifiably) and she is asked to leave the studio.
This apparently causes a problem for the Carrs, who are now losing dinner party guests as the Bradshaws have shunned them. More first-world problems.
Mystery #5: The Clue in Ivy Hall
A friend of the Carr's, Sheila Patterson (and her daughter Annette) corner Nancy at the Carr's dinner party. They have another mystery for the girls to solve. At this point, I become concerned that George's eyes will roll right out of her head. Mrs. Patterson, an actress, recently purchased the creepy-looking Ivy Hall but is now afraid that it is...HAUNTED!
Sheila just doesn't know what to do! If she sells the estate, she may not get a good price and might not even be able to (gulp) keep her servants. Oh no!
Another thing--not only have the Pattersons been hearing strange noises from their house, but they have also heard the odd shrieking. One night, Sheila saw a peacock wandering around the Ivy Hall grounds and is certain that it's a bad omen (apparently there is an actual theater superstition about peacock feathers and disasters on the set).
After several stakeouts of Ivy Hall and an ingenious scheme to smoke out the ne'er-do-well, Nancy figured out that Luke, the cowboy-looking groundskeeper from Cumberland Manor is behind the "haunting." A poor ranch hand, Luke read about the hidden window in the same magazine and thought that it might be in Ivy Hall due to the estate's rich history. At first, the creepy sounds he made were accidental--just banging around in the attic and walls--but then he realized that if the ladies thought the house was haunted he could have free reign to look around. In the end, Luke made some mistakes but isn't our real bad guy. Annette, Sheila's daughter even pities him enough to let him take her out on a date. Bess warns her that "pity is akin to love" and that she'd better watch out. Truer words have never been spoken, Bess.
Of course, Luke was right about the location of the hidden window...
Mysteries #1-5 Conclusion
In a fairly quick wrap-up, Nancy and the gang locate the hidden window just in time to expose Alonzo Rugby, who, along with his King Kamehameha Beeyotch of a sister Mrs. Dondo, was already trying to sell a cheap copy of the stained-glass masterpiece to its seeker. Nancy exposes him, reveals the real hidden window and saves the day...
...and I have whiplash from the sheer volume of mysteries. I really did like parts of this (especially the Ivy Hall plotline) but I felt the whole story was just too diffuse.
Mags: 3 out of 5
Number of times I hate rich people: [tugs collar nervously]
Monday, April 14, 2014
Book #33: The Witch Tree Symbol (Revised Edition)
Is Nancy Drew really a witch?
The answer, of course, is no. She's clearly an android, as evidenced by my earlier posts. But apparently the entire Amish community is convinced that Nancy's detective skills are actually some kind of witchcraft.
Let me back up. While the tale itself gets more exciting, we start off with the thinnest of premises and the world's most boring mystery. A new neighbor of the Drews', Mrs. Tenney, asks Nancy to accompany her to her late aunt's house to retrieve some of the better antiques as part of her inheritance. When they get there, however, all the best antiques are gone!
duh, Duh, DUUUHHHH!
What follows is a scene in which Nancy is, as per usual, far too polite, so I will edit it for your reading pleasure:
MRS. TENNEY: (weeping) All the valuable antiques are gone! Some shady antique dealer told me they were worth a fortune and now they're gone! Gooooooooooonnee! Heer-heer-heer!
NANCY: Well, it sounds like that aforementioned shady antique dealer may have had something to do with it.
MRS. TENNEY: No, no! It's my chubby cousin, Alpha Zinn! He and I don't get along at all!
NANCY: Um, you guys having a personality difference and his chubbiness aren't exactly strong evidence that he's responsible. Although his name definitely makes him seem a little guilty.
[noise heard upstairs]
MRS. TENNEY: What was that?! (faints dead away).
NANCY: (rolls eyes and smacks Mrs. Tenney across the face) Wake up, woman, wake up!
MRS. TENNEY: (weeping again) Take me hooooommme, heer-heer-heer!
NANCY: (slaps woman again) Bitch, please! I'll take your boring-ass mystery if you promise to shut up.
...is how that scene should have gone. And it's my recap, so I'm saying that's how it went down. Nancy, Bess and George head out to Amish Country to track down Alpha Zinn (apparently he's Amish) and perhaps locate the shady antiques dealer, Roger Hoelt. On their way, they come across a young Amish girl named Manda Kreutz, who has run away from home because her traditional father won't let her read or learn things. Yikes. Sounds like someone needs a good Rumspringa (Rumspringa, woo-hoo! Show a little knee, listen to music composed after 1643, RUMSPRINGA!). Or she might need a good social worker.
In any event, Nancy attempts to patch things up between Manda and her family, who are very welcoming, even though they are definitely taken aback by Nancy's amateur sleuthing and George being...well, George. Bess, unsurprisingly, fits right in as she's a solid girl who can put away a seven-course meal. The Kreutz's point out that in Amish Country they "like a little flesh on their maidens." Go, Bess.
Unfortunately, the villains start in on Nancy right away, spreading rumors that she is a witch. The Kreutzes give the girls the boot (but good!) and they are forced to go into town.
At this point, I must point out that Nancy can somehow speak Pennsylvania Dutch. But not Centrovian? I call bullshit.
Anyhoo, they find a family in town, The Glicks, that aren't nearly as superstitious (apparently, there are the House Amish and Church Amish and the latter lives a slightly more modern lifestyle while keeping the self-sustaining belief system). The Glick family is one of the only things keeping this story from being too much like Ivory Charm, Old Album, etc. While it does paint the Pennsylvania Dutch in a fairly static light, there are enough characters that break the mold and it doesn't really strike me as offensive. But, then again, I'm not Amish so what the hell do I know? The Glicks take in boarders because the father had been partially disabled by a farming accident and was now what Mrs. Glick calls "a Schumacher"
Ugh, like Joel Shumacher? Shoot a little higher, Papa Glick.
Oh, wait..it's probably shoemaker.
The story progresses fairly slowly, but there are still a lot of points in its favor. While the antiques mystery is pretty boring, and the wonderfully-named-yet-not-villainous Alpha Zinn is cleared quickly, the "Nancy is a witch" subplot makes up for it. When Ned, Burt and Dave come out to visit (seemingly on their way to yet another camp counselor job), the local youths see Nancy and Ned get into an accident and claim that Nancy must be a witch because they saw her "fly" out of a carriage. Instead of railing on them for being idiots, as I would have done, Ned calmly tells them the facts, and many of the townspeople start to change their tune. Ever loyal are their host family, the Glicks. Even when the young Glick children are told by friends that Nancy is a witch, they soon see reason when their mother explains the danger of "magical thinking" and encourages them to see what is right in front of them.
I must point out as well that Ned furthers his excessive hint-dropping about marriage when he asks Nancy if they could get a closed-top buggy (only for married couples) when they visited Amish Country in the not-too-distant future. Nancy, of course, totally ignores him.
The villains in this story are also far more organized and effective than usual. There are only two villains, Mr. and Mrs. Hoelt (because the family that steals together stays together), but they are truly unrelenting when it comes from keeping Nancy from discovering them. They hire Manda Kreutz, the runaway, but keep her so close to home that Nancy is never able to find her. They spread rumors around town that Nancy is a witch to ensure that she will not be able to easily question people or get help. They plant some of the stolen merchandise in her car so that she comes off like a thief, a witch, AND a liar. They then steal her car, making it impossible for her to get around. I had to admit, I was impressed by how efficiently Roger Hoelt was able to prevent Nancy from solving the mystery. If she and the girls hadn't spotted a tree with the titular "witch tree" hex symbol, and found the old Hoelt farm and Manda, they might have gotten away scot free.
However, as per usual, Nancy prevails. She reunites Manda and her family (yay!) and gets back all the stolen antiques (meh). I really did like this one save for a few things: the ending was far too abrupt given the buildup, the mystery itself didn't have particularly high stakes (Mrs. Tenney is an annoying old hag, and no one cares if she gets "all the best of her aunt's antiques" back. First world problems, man), and the action dragged in parts.
I give this one a 4/5 mags.
Head Injuries: 1 (14 total)
The answer, of course, is no. She's clearly an android, as evidenced by my earlier posts. But apparently the entire Amish community is convinced that Nancy's detective skills are actually some kind of witchcraft.
Let me back up. While the tale itself gets more exciting, we start off with the thinnest of premises and the world's most boring mystery. A new neighbor of the Drews', Mrs. Tenney, asks Nancy to accompany her to her late aunt's house to retrieve some of the better antiques as part of her inheritance. When they get there, however, all the best antiques are gone!
duh, Duh, DUUUHHHH!
What follows is a scene in which Nancy is, as per usual, far too polite, so I will edit it for your reading pleasure:
MRS. TENNEY: (weeping) All the valuable antiques are gone! Some shady antique dealer told me they were worth a fortune and now they're gone! Gooooooooooonnee! Heer-heer-heer!
NANCY: Well, it sounds like that aforementioned shady antique dealer may have had something to do with it.
MRS. TENNEY: No, no! It's my chubby cousin, Alpha Zinn! He and I don't get along at all!
NANCY: Um, you guys having a personality difference and his chubbiness aren't exactly strong evidence that he's responsible. Although his name definitely makes him seem a little guilty.
[noise heard upstairs]
MRS. TENNEY: What was that?! (faints dead away).
NANCY: (rolls eyes and smacks Mrs. Tenney across the face) Wake up, woman, wake up!
MRS. TENNEY: (weeping again) Take me hooooommme, heer-heer-heer!
NANCY: (slaps woman again) Bitch, please! I'll take your boring-ass mystery if you promise to shut up.
...is how that scene should have gone. And it's my recap, so I'm saying that's how it went down. Nancy, Bess and George head out to Amish Country to track down Alpha Zinn (apparently he's Amish) and perhaps locate the shady antiques dealer, Roger Hoelt. On their way, they come across a young Amish girl named Manda Kreutz, who has run away from home because her traditional father won't let her read or learn things. Yikes. Sounds like someone needs a good Rumspringa (Rumspringa, woo-hoo! Show a little knee, listen to music composed after 1643, RUMSPRINGA!). Or she might need a good social worker.
In any event, Nancy attempts to patch things up between Manda and her family, who are very welcoming, even though they are definitely taken aback by Nancy's amateur sleuthing and George being...well, George. Bess, unsurprisingly, fits right in as she's a solid girl who can put away a seven-course meal. The Kreutz's point out that in Amish Country they "like a little flesh on their maidens." Go, Bess.
Unfortunately, the villains start in on Nancy right away, spreading rumors that she is a witch. The Kreutzes give the girls the boot (but good!) and they are forced to go into town.
At this point, I must point out that Nancy can somehow speak Pennsylvania Dutch. But not Centrovian? I call bullshit.
Anyhoo, they find a family in town, The Glicks, that aren't nearly as superstitious (apparently, there are the House Amish and Church Amish and the latter lives a slightly more modern lifestyle while keeping the self-sustaining belief system). The Glick family is one of the only things keeping this story from being too much like Ivory Charm, Old Album, etc. While it does paint the Pennsylvania Dutch in a fairly static light, there are enough characters that break the mold and it doesn't really strike me as offensive. But, then again, I'm not Amish so what the hell do I know? The Glicks take in boarders because the father had been partially disabled by a farming accident and was now what Mrs. Glick calls "a Schumacher"
Ugh, like Joel Shumacher? Shoot a little higher, Papa Glick.
Oh, wait..it's probably shoemaker.
The story progresses fairly slowly, but there are still a lot of points in its favor. While the antiques mystery is pretty boring, and the wonderfully-named-yet-not-villainous Alpha Zinn is cleared quickly, the "Nancy is a witch" subplot makes up for it. When Ned, Burt and Dave come out to visit (seemingly on their way to yet another camp counselor job), the local youths see Nancy and Ned get into an accident and claim that Nancy must be a witch because they saw her "fly" out of a carriage. Instead of railing on them for being idiots, as I would have done, Ned calmly tells them the facts, and many of the townspeople start to change their tune. Ever loyal are their host family, the Glicks. Even when the young Glick children are told by friends that Nancy is a witch, they soon see reason when their mother explains the danger of "magical thinking" and encourages them to see what is right in front of them.
I must point out as well that Ned furthers his excessive hint-dropping about marriage when he asks Nancy if they could get a closed-top buggy (only for married couples) when they visited Amish Country in the not-too-distant future. Nancy, of course, totally ignores him.
The villains in this story are also far more organized and effective than usual. There are only two villains, Mr. and Mrs. Hoelt (because the family that steals together stays together), but they are truly unrelenting when it comes from keeping Nancy from discovering them. They hire Manda Kreutz, the runaway, but keep her so close to home that Nancy is never able to find her. They spread rumors around town that Nancy is a witch to ensure that she will not be able to easily question people or get help. They plant some of the stolen merchandise in her car so that she comes off like a thief, a witch, AND a liar. They then steal her car, making it impossible for her to get around. I had to admit, I was impressed by how efficiently Roger Hoelt was able to prevent Nancy from solving the mystery. If she and the girls hadn't spotted a tree with the titular "witch tree" hex symbol, and found the old Hoelt farm and Manda, they might have gotten away scot free.
However, as per usual, Nancy prevails. She reunites Manda and her family (yay!) and gets back all the stolen antiques (meh). I really did like this one save for a few things: the ending was far too abrupt given the buildup, the mystery itself didn't have particularly high stakes (Mrs. Tenney is an annoying old hag, and no one cares if she gets "all the best of her aunt's antiques" back. First world problems, man), and the action dragged in parts.
I give this one a 4/5 mags.
Head Injuries: 1 (14 total)
Friday, April 4, 2014
Book #32: The Scarlet Slipper Mystery (Original Edition)
Alright, so I've come to a pretty bold conclusion: Fictional though it may be, I'm pretty sure that River Heights is a bustling metropolis the likes of San Francisco or New York City. Sure, it may seem like a small Midwestern town, but you can't deny the huge variety of locations and events in this allegedly tiny berg. Not only do they have regular theater, fashion shows, and sporting events, but it even seems to be split up into little enclaves. Instead of Chinatown, Little Italy, or India Square, there's Sailortown, Gypsy Corner, Unnamed-European-Principality Alley, and now...Little Centrovia!
Note: I looked it up just to be sure, because I've definitely been guilty of geography ignorance before, but the only references to Centrovia seem to be a car rental place on a tiny island off the coast of Portugal. While I did briefly entertain a fantasy in which citizens are fleeing an island that only wants to focus on car rentals and not ballet, this not NOT appear to be the case...
Back to Little Centrovia. Yes, that's right. Apparently, there are people all over the world who must flee from their homelands and dream of making it big in...River Heights. It's totally like that song "There's No Cats in America" from An American Tail. Could the streets be paved with cheese?
Nope, the streets are paved with crime. Which is ridiculous, considering the fact that Nancy is now of nearly international celebrity. Crooks keep thinking they can outsmart her but, being that they are incredibly stupid, it doesn't work out too well for them.
The Scarlet Slipper Mystery starts out with a near-plane crash, much to my dismay (I am deathly afraid of flying and even more deathly afraid of the constant barrage of plane-crash-porn on television these days). A soon-to-be-resident of Little Centrovia is terrified, thinking the plane will crash. Nancy, apparently blessed with precognition as well as detective skills, assures him that "just one engine is out" and that they'll be fine.
ONE ENGINE IS OUT?! @&*%%@%!!!
...is what I would be screaming in her practically-perfect face. But I digress. The plane does land safely, and she is met by Bess and George at the airport. Bess has to stop by a new dance studio in town, run by a brother and sister that have suspiciously similar accents to the Centrovian man on the plane. Could they be from the fakest-sounding country on the planet, Centrovia?!
Of course they are. And so is everyone who ever danced in River Heights. Maybe this whole country is like that town from Footloose (man, I sure make a lot of references to Footloose for someone who has never seen the movie...) and they know that River Heights has the best dances this side of the Muskoka.
Anyway, the brother and sister, named Henri and Helene Fontaine, are in trouble. Someone has been telling them they must leave town or they will be harmed. Nancy comes up with an elaborate scheme to pretend they've left town when they have really doubled back to stay at the Drews. Since every criminal on earth has her address at this point, however, they have to relocate Henri and Helene to the Nickerson's summer cabin.
Meanwhile, Nancy dives into a mystery that takes many twists and turns, all while trying to run the dance studio in Helene's absence. Several shady people try and bust in and force Nancy to reveal the Fontaines' location, but she refuses, which eventually gets her shoved down a flight of stairs. Ouch!
There's also a subplot with the initial man on the plane, Mr. Koff, and his daughter Millie, but to be perfectly frank, it isn't all-too crucial to the summary so I'll move on.
...Except to say that, even with made-up nationalities, the Nancy Drew books seem to find a way to boil them down to a mass generalization. Throughout the book, the Centrovians are described as "an overly excitable people" and everyone seems irritated that they don't speak English all the time.
Why don't YOU learn Centrovian, since you're basically an android, Nancy. Shiiiiiiiiitttt.
The mystery deepens when Nancy realizes that a pair of scarlet ballet slippers that belong to Helene, as well as a series of portraits Henri did of her dancing, may hold a secret. Unfortunately, the overly-excitable and loud Centrovian criminals keep stealing the things Nancy wants to check out. Bummer. Finally, she finds an untouched portrait and discovers diamonds hidden right in the strokes of the oil paint!
Of course, this discovery leads the crooks to up their game. They kidnap Henri and Helene. Not to be outdone, Nancy trails one of the criminals (an white lady in the gang named Mrs. Judson)--in fact, the same criminal who unceremoniously pushed Nancy down a flight of stairs--and deftly corners her at a train station. It's actually kind of an awesome reveal, with the shifty Mrs. Judson trying to sneak past and Nancy stepping out of the shadows all creepy, like: "Oh. Hello, Mrs. Judson." I've said it before and I'll say it again: do NOT mess with Nancy.
After Nancy finds out that the art dealer that bought some of Henri's paintings might be involved (a man named Mr. Renee), she drags Ned to a farmhouse where he may be staying. An old hearing-impaired man answers the door, but Nancy's finely-tuned observational eye doesn't miss the fact that the man stood up straight and reacted when he heard a dog bark. Sure enough, the couple sees the old man come out of the back door of the farmhouse, having removed the old-man disguise--this younger man is actually Tomas Renee!
Renee tries to convince them that the Fontaines are actually the criminals, but Nancy sees through his ruse. She and Ned split up to search the farmhouse. However, Renee quickly swoops in and abducts Nancy, stealing Ned's car and leaving her bound and gagged in the back seat with the windows rolled up (douche!). What ensues is a scene that almost makes me want to jump into River Heights: Criminal Suspicions mode. The officers make a few thinly-veiled comments about Renee having "disposed" Nancy somewhere and Ned starts to totally freak out, thinking that they are about to find Nancy's lifeless corpse in his car.
She's fine, of course, but poor Ned nearly has a heart attack. Meanwhile, Helene and Henri arrive, having managed to escape some hidden area in a nearby second farmhouse...
Um, what?
Yeah, this whole plot point didn't make much sense to me unless Henri and Helene were actually involved in the crime. Was there some kind of sign that said: "You are now leaving Kidnapping Location #1; this way to Kidnapping Location #2. P.S. That's where Nancy is"?
Mistaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!
In addition, when Nancy and the gang investigate the farmhouse again with a police escort, they keep smelling kerosene but don't seem to think they should do anything about it. Literally, Nancy smells the kerosene, wonders why the police officer would have kerosene, and shrugs it off. Of course, it is not the officer, but the gang of crooks trying to set fire to the house. And I don't buy it. Nancy would have never overlooked that or failed to investigate. Second Miiiiistaaaaaaake!
Nancy and the gang manage to escape the fire and climb their way out of these massive plot holes, however, and the criminals are overtaken. The story then redeems itself from it's climax-missteps by taking their time with a scene that explains the whole origin of the mystery, from back in Centrovia all the way to River Heights. Apparently, members of a freedom-loving underground faction of Centrovia (including Mr. Koff, Henri and Helene) were forced to flee their homeland. However, a set of shady brothers (Renee and the man known as Mr. Judson) try to capitalize on this revolution by smuggling jewels in the paintings they know are on their way to America. At some point, the Judsons (the French-Centrovian man who has been popping up everywhere and his loud, American wife) betray Renee and try to shift the blame for said betrayal onto Helene and Henri by forcing them to leave town, which makes them seem very guilty. Renee himself took to working with the brother of Mrs. Judson, named Red Buzby (VILLAIN!). Both were working so frenetically to outdo each other and get rid of the Fontaines while getting the jewels for themselves, that they ended up getting sloppy and getting caught.
In the end, the scarlet slippers are returned to Helene and she and her brother are able to re-open their dance studio in Little Centrovia. Awwwwwww.
I give this one a lot of crap but it was actually quite good. I'm taking off a mag for the ludicrous plot holes near the end and for the stereotyping. I'm giving this one 4/5 mags.
Head Injuries: 0 (13 total)
River Heights Cultural Enclaves: At least 4, right? Or possibly four thousand?
Note: I looked it up just to be sure, because I've definitely been guilty of geography ignorance before, but the only references to Centrovia seem to be a car rental place on a tiny island off the coast of Portugal. While I did briefly entertain a fantasy in which citizens are fleeing an island that only wants to focus on car rentals and not ballet, this not NOT appear to be the case...
Back to Little Centrovia. Yes, that's right. Apparently, there are people all over the world who must flee from their homelands and dream of making it big in...River Heights. It's totally like that song "There's No Cats in America" from An American Tail. Could the streets be paved with cheese?
Nope, the streets are paved with crime. Which is ridiculous, considering the fact that Nancy is now of nearly international celebrity. Crooks keep thinking they can outsmart her but, being that they are incredibly stupid, it doesn't work out too well for them.
The Scarlet Slipper Mystery starts out with a near-plane crash, much to my dismay (I am deathly afraid of flying and even more deathly afraid of the constant barrage of plane-crash-porn on television these days). A soon-to-be-resident of Little Centrovia is terrified, thinking the plane will crash. Nancy, apparently blessed with precognition as well as detective skills, assures him that "just one engine is out" and that they'll be fine.
ONE ENGINE IS OUT?! @&*%%@%!!!
...is what I would be screaming in her practically-perfect face. But I digress. The plane does land safely, and she is met by Bess and George at the airport. Bess has to stop by a new dance studio in town, run by a brother and sister that have suspiciously similar accents to the Centrovian man on the plane. Could they be from the fakest-sounding country on the planet, Centrovia?!
Of course they are. And so is everyone who ever danced in River Heights. Maybe this whole country is like that town from Footloose (man, I sure make a lot of references to Footloose for someone who has never seen the movie...) and they know that River Heights has the best dances this side of the Muskoka.
Anyway, the brother and sister, named Henri and Helene Fontaine, are in trouble. Someone has been telling them they must leave town or they will be harmed. Nancy comes up with an elaborate scheme to pretend they've left town when they have really doubled back to stay at the Drews. Since every criminal on earth has her address at this point, however, they have to relocate Henri and Helene to the Nickerson's summer cabin.
Meanwhile, Nancy dives into a mystery that takes many twists and turns, all while trying to run the dance studio in Helene's absence. Several shady people try and bust in and force Nancy to reveal the Fontaines' location, but she refuses, which eventually gets her shoved down a flight of stairs. Ouch!
There's also a subplot with the initial man on the plane, Mr. Koff, and his daughter Millie, but to be perfectly frank, it isn't all-too crucial to the summary so I'll move on.
...Except to say that, even with made-up nationalities, the Nancy Drew books seem to find a way to boil them down to a mass generalization. Throughout the book, the Centrovians are described as "an overly excitable people" and everyone seems irritated that they don't speak English all the time.
Why don't YOU learn Centrovian, since you're basically an android, Nancy. Shiiiiiiiiitttt.
The mystery deepens when Nancy realizes that a pair of scarlet ballet slippers that belong to Helene, as well as a series of portraits Henri did of her dancing, may hold a secret. Unfortunately, the overly-excitable and loud Centrovian criminals keep stealing the things Nancy wants to check out. Bummer. Finally, she finds an untouched portrait and discovers diamonds hidden right in the strokes of the oil paint!
Of course, this discovery leads the crooks to up their game. They kidnap Henri and Helene. Not to be outdone, Nancy trails one of the criminals (an white lady in the gang named Mrs. Judson)--in fact, the same criminal who unceremoniously pushed Nancy down a flight of stairs--and deftly corners her at a train station. It's actually kind of an awesome reveal, with the shifty Mrs. Judson trying to sneak past and Nancy stepping out of the shadows all creepy, like: "Oh. Hello, Mrs. Judson." I've said it before and I'll say it again: do NOT mess with Nancy.
After Nancy finds out that the art dealer that bought some of Henri's paintings might be involved (a man named Mr. Renee), she drags Ned to a farmhouse where he may be staying. An old hearing-impaired man answers the door, but Nancy's finely-tuned observational eye doesn't miss the fact that the man stood up straight and reacted when he heard a dog bark. Sure enough, the couple sees the old man come out of the back door of the farmhouse, having removed the old-man disguise--this younger man is actually Tomas Renee!
Renee tries to convince them that the Fontaines are actually the criminals, but Nancy sees through his ruse. She and Ned split up to search the farmhouse. However, Renee quickly swoops in and abducts Nancy, stealing Ned's car and leaving her bound and gagged in the back seat with the windows rolled up (douche!). What ensues is a scene that almost makes me want to jump into River Heights: Criminal Suspicions mode. The officers make a few thinly-veiled comments about Renee having "disposed" Nancy somewhere and Ned starts to totally freak out, thinking that they are about to find Nancy's lifeless corpse in his car.
She's fine, of course, but poor Ned nearly has a heart attack. Meanwhile, Helene and Henri arrive, having managed to escape some hidden area in a nearby second farmhouse...
Um, what?
Yeah, this whole plot point didn't make much sense to me unless Henri and Helene were actually involved in the crime. Was there some kind of sign that said: "You are now leaving Kidnapping Location #1; this way to Kidnapping Location #2. P.S. That's where Nancy is"?
Mistaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!
In addition, when Nancy and the gang investigate the farmhouse again with a police escort, they keep smelling kerosene but don't seem to think they should do anything about it. Literally, Nancy smells the kerosene, wonders why the police officer would have kerosene, and shrugs it off. Of course, it is not the officer, but the gang of crooks trying to set fire to the house. And I don't buy it. Nancy would have never overlooked that or failed to investigate. Second Miiiiistaaaaaaake!
Nancy and the gang manage to escape the fire and climb their way out of these massive plot holes, however, and the criminals are overtaken. The story then redeems itself from it's climax-missteps by taking their time with a scene that explains the whole origin of the mystery, from back in Centrovia all the way to River Heights. Apparently, members of a freedom-loving underground faction of Centrovia (including Mr. Koff, Henri and Helene) were forced to flee their homeland. However, a set of shady brothers (Renee and the man known as Mr. Judson) try to capitalize on this revolution by smuggling jewels in the paintings they know are on their way to America. At some point, the Judsons (the French-Centrovian man who has been popping up everywhere and his loud, American wife) betray Renee and try to shift the blame for said betrayal onto Helene and Henri by forcing them to leave town, which makes them seem very guilty. Renee himself took to working with the brother of Mrs. Judson, named Red Buzby (VILLAIN!). Both were working so frenetically to outdo each other and get rid of the Fontaines while getting the jewels for themselves, that they ended up getting sloppy and getting caught.
In the end, the scarlet slippers are returned to Helene and she and her brother are able to re-open their dance studio in Little Centrovia. Awwwwwww.
I give this one a lot of crap but it was actually quite good. I'm taking off a mag for the ludicrous plot holes near the end and for the stereotyping. I'm giving this one 4/5 mags.
Head Injuries: 0 (13 total)
River Heights Cultural Enclaves: At least 4, right? Or possibly four thousand?
Monday, March 31, 2014
Book #31: The Ringmaster's Secret (Revised Edition)
I think that every single sentence in this book, or at least a great number, could all begin with the word "Coincidentally,".
The Ringmaster's Secret is what Cher in Clueless would call a "Full-on Monet." You know, from far away it seems great but close up it's a hot mess?
The story itself is highly promising: a circus comes to River Heights and Nancy must go undercover as a bareback rider to uncover conspiracy involving the Simms' Circus' best aerialist, Lolita, and a mysterious charm bracelet that could mean a dramatic family reunion.
Coincidentally, Nancy has been taking trick riding lessons from some dude named Senor Roberto who coincidentally used to work for the Simm's Circus. Oh, and Aunt Eloise coincidentally sent Nancy a charm bracelet that could have something to do with a mystery and a circus. Oh, and what's that? A circus is coming to River Heights, and coincidentally, it's the same circus that is connected to the bracelet, Senor Roberto, and an up and coming aerialist named Lolita.
When Nancy goes to the circus parade, she meets Lolita. She is a sweet but sad girl, who Nancy soon discovers is in a secret relationship with a sexy clown named Pietro (that's right--a sexy clown). Lolita is coincidentally also the adopted daughter of the ringmaster (Could he have...a secret? Spoiler: Yes, he does) who seems like the poster child for bipolar disorder, at times charming as a fox and then flying off into a rage and verbally abusing his circus employees. Lolita and Pietro want to be married but the ringmaster, Reinhold Kroon (I declare him guilty with the irrefutable evidence that is his name!), will have none of it. Lolita also recognizes Nancy's bracelet, which, coincidentally, is identical to Lolita's necklace charm.
Nancy agrees to help Lolita, and it soon drawn even further into the action when the circus' bareback rider is injured. The trainer asks Nancy to take over (as she has coincidentally been taking those circus riding lessons) but Nancy must hide her true identity from Reinhold Kroon, who already suspects her in interfering with circus affairs.
In her investigation, Nancy is lightly strangled with a circus whip and pelted with rocks, but she is not to be deterred. After some skillful eavesdropping and clue hunting she discovers that Lolita's real mother might be alive, somehow hidden by the nefarious Kroon. She heads to London, where the woman was last seen (yeah, because London is just a tiny little berg where you can ask local shopkeepers about a small, dark-haired circus performer and they'll just remember) with the sexy clown, to Ned's chagrin. He somehow thinks that Nancy will get U.K. citizenship and elope with the sexy clown, Pietro, despite the fact that 1) That is ludicrous, and 2) The whole mystery is centered around trying to find a way for Lolita to marry Pietro.
Oh, and coincidentally, Pietro's family is also from London. Do criminals and witnesses basically commute between large metropolitan areas and River Heights?
Anyhoo, about twenty thousand coincidences later, Nancy discovers Lolita's mother. She apparently has a condition that can only be described as "drug-induced relapsing-remitting amnesia." The nurses say she has amnesia, but the woman seems to remember everything when Nancy casually brings it up. However, later, she wanders off from her hotel room in what people agree is an amnesia relapse. Like she has a sinus infection that came back.
Right.
In any event, Nancy finds proof that Kroon is behind it all. As they are moving to find Lolita, however, the ringmaster pushes Nancy into the lion's cage. Yikes! Ned is there to save her (a device I'm never particularly fond of but it has to happen sometimes I guess) and Kroon is finally put in his own cage, confessing that he took Lolita from her mother and has been drugging said mother and keeping her in a nursing home for years.
Wait. Is the Ringmaster's secret that he's really stupid?
Is it really cost-effective to kidnap a girl, effectively making yourself responsible for her food and general care, shove her mother in a European nursing home (which isn't cheap), and pay a crooked doctor to administer drugs to further her DIRRA (drug-induced relapsing-remitting amnesia)--all because of this girl's potential career as an aerialist?
I'm serious--that's it. There's no treasure. The mysterious bracelet isn't worth crap. It would be like kidnapping Justin Beiber when he was still getting second place in Canadian elementary school talent shows. It doesn't make sense! And there's like a million coincidences. And there's no way that Nancy is suddenly a skilled bareback circus performer.
This book kind of disappointed me because it has a great premise. I always love a good carnival/circus storyline (ups the creepiness factor in any mystery), the action is great, and the villain not only has a ludicrous name but is delightfully cruel and evil as well.
Unfortunately, all the aforementioned negative points are just too much. With great ambivalence, I give this one a 2 1/2 out of 5 mags.
Head Injuries: 0 (13 total)
Coincidences: Too many to mention
The Ringmaster's Secret is what Cher in Clueless would call a "Full-on Monet." You know, from far away it seems great but close up it's a hot mess?
The story itself is highly promising: a circus comes to River Heights and Nancy must go undercover as a bareback rider to uncover conspiracy involving the Simms' Circus' best aerialist, Lolita, and a mysterious charm bracelet that could mean a dramatic family reunion.
Coincidentally, Nancy has been taking trick riding lessons from some dude named Senor Roberto who coincidentally used to work for the Simm's Circus. Oh, and Aunt Eloise coincidentally sent Nancy a charm bracelet that could have something to do with a mystery and a circus. Oh, and what's that? A circus is coming to River Heights, and coincidentally, it's the same circus that is connected to the bracelet, Senor Roberto, and an up and coming aerialist named Lolita.
When Nancy goes to the circus parade, she meets Lolita. She is a sweet but sad girl, who Nancy soon discovers is in a secret relationship with a sexy clown named Pietro (that's right--a sexy clown). Lolita is coincidentally also the adopted daughter of the ringmaster (Could he have...a secret? Spoiler: Yes, he does) who seems like the poster child for bipolar disorder, at times charming as a fox and then flying off into a rage and verbally abusing his circus employees. Lolita and Pietro want to be married but the ringmaster, Reinhold Kroon (I declare him guilty with the irrefutable evidence that is his name!), will have none of it. Lolita also recognizes Nancy's bracelet, which, coincidentally, is identical to Lolita's necklace charm.
Nancy agrees to help Lolita, and it soon drawn even further into the action when the circus' bareback rider is injured. The trainer asks Nancy to take over (as she has coincidentally been taking those circus riding lessons) but Nancy must hide her true identity from Reinhold Kroon, who already suspects her in interfering with circus affairs.
In her investigation, Nancy is lightly strangled with a circus whip and pelted with rocks, but she is not to be deterred. After some skillful eavesdropping and clue hunting she discovers that Lolita's real mother might be alive, somehow hidden by the nefarious Kroon. She heads to London, where the woman was last seen (yeah, because London is just a tiny little berg where you can ask local shopkeepers about a small, dark-haired circus performer and they'll just remember) with the sexy clown, to Ned's chagrin. He somehow thinks that Nancy will get U.K. citizenship and elope with the sexy clown, Pietro, despite the fact that 1) That is ludicrous, and 2) The whole mystery is centered around trying to find a way for Lolita to marry Pietro.
Oh, and coincidentally, Pietro's family is also from London. Do criminals and witnesses basically commute between large metropolitan areas and River Heights?
Anyhoo, about twenty thousand coincidences later, Nancy discovers Lolita's mother. She apparently has a condition that can only be described as "drug-induced relapsing-remitting amnesia." The nurses say she has amnesia, but the woman seems to remember everything when Nancy casually brings it up. However, later, she wanders off from her hotel room in what people agree is an amnesia relapse. Like she has a sinus infection that came back.
Right.
In any event, Nancy finds proof that Kroon is behind it all. As they are moving to find Lolita, however, the ringmaster pushes Nancy into the lion's cage. Yikes! Ned is there to save her (a device I'm never particularly fond of but it has to happen sometimes I guess) and Kroon is finally put in his own cage, confessing that he took Lolita from her mother and has been drugging said mother and keeping her in a nursing home for years.
Wait. Is the Ringmaster's secret that he's really stupid?
Is it really cost-effective to kidnap a girl, effectively making yourself responsible for her food and general care, shove her mother in a European nursing home (which isn't cheap), and pay a crooked doctor to administer drugs to further her DIRRA (drug-induced relapsing-remitting amnesia)--all because of this girl's potential career as an aerialist?
I'm serious--that's it. There's no treasure. The mysterious bracelet isn't worth crap. It would be like kidnapping Justin Beiber when he was still getting second place in Canadian elementary school talent shows. It doesn't make sense! And there's like a million coincidences. And there's no way that Nancy is suddenly a skilled bareback circus performer.
This book kind of disappointed me because it has a great premise. I always love a good carnival/circus storyline (ups the creepiness factor in any mystery), the action is great, and the villain not only has a ludicrous name but is delightfully cruel and evil as well.
Unfortunately, all the aforementioned negative points are just too much. With great ambivalence, I give this one a 2 1/2 out of 5 mags.
Head Injuries: 0 (13 total)
Coincidences: Too many to mention
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Book # 30: The Clue of the Velvet Mask
Alternately titled: "Nancy Drew and the Mysterious Case of George Going Bat-Shit Crazy."
It's a lesser-known original title. You know, like "War, What is it Good For?"
Our story starts with Nancy getting ready to attend a masquerade ball with Ned at a mutual friend's house. Nancy is a Spanish "senorita" (you know that just means Miss or young lady in Spanish, right Nancy?), and has a bullfighter costume all set for Ned, but it looks too tight--she is sure that Ned's muscular frame will cause the costume to burst! I am about to suggest that Ned go as a bullfighter/The Hulk, but then I realize I am making suggestions aloud to a book written over 50 years ago. In any event, Ned manages to squeeze his evidently body-builder-like physique into the bullfighter costume and they start to head out when...
WAIT! Carson has an ominous warning. Apparently there has been a rash of burglaries at parties in the area and Ned and Nancy should be careful. Nancy, of course, can barely contain her delight. The very concept of an exciting night out at a masquerade ball was simply too dull for her to bear--she needs a mystery.
And she is not disappointed. Not twenty minutes into the party, Nancy and Ned find a discarded VELVET MASK (Yay! Relevant title! Take THAT, Black Keys!)) and Nancy jokingly puts it on. However, a mysterious man sees her in the mask and whisks her onto the dance floor, berating her for being late for the heist--he's mistaken her for an accomplice! Nancy plays along, trying to smoke the gang out all in the first few pages of the book, but the lights suddenly go out, and the burglary is carried out despite the mistaken identity.
Nancy runs into a friend (doesn't it seem like she has about five thousand friends?) who works for the events company running the party, Linda Seeley, who tells her that she had warned the hosts to check invitations but hadn't been heard. Despite this, the assistant manager of the company, Mr. Tombar, blames Linda for the theft.
Enter Nancy Drew: Party Crasher. Nancy decides that crashing/"working undercover at" every local party is the way to go. What ensues can truly be described as a game of cat and mouse, where at times it seems that Nancy is about to catch the Velvet gang (named for their masks), and at times it seems they are closing in on her. At one point, Nancy is transporting an important clue and has George dress up like her to throw them off-track. Unfortunately, the gang kidnaps George thinking she is Nancy. They drug her heavily and threaten her in some nebulous way we don't discover until later.
After this point, George's character completely changes for the rest of the book. She is basically an shut-in, panicked and distraught at the idea of Nancy pursuing the case. Honestly, she seems to be having a nervous breakdown. Nancy, being a characteristically clueless friend, continues to show up at the poor girl's house and doesn't even have the common decency to lie and say she's given up the case. That being said, I'm as concerned as Nancy is; it seems like the sporty, tough girl that is George is disappearing.
Eventually, Nancy and Bess (who has taken a more brazen role in this mystery) discover that the assistant manager at the events company, Mr. Tombar, is actually the ringleader of the velvet gang, working with his wife and a few other couples.
BRIEF RANT: What is up with all of these "double date" criminals. I mean, do these people really go out with other couples, have a glass of wine, and then say something like: "Well, swinging isn't in fashion yet--let's go rob a bunch of people?" Is this an acceptable group date back in the day? Try bowling or painting pottery or something, people!
Nancy and Bess head out to capture the gang, stopping briefly by George's house to check in (and apparently make her more upset.) Fortunately, George's nervous breakdown pays off when the girls are captured and only George knows where they've gone. When Mrs. Fayne reminds her that Nancy and Bess could be seriously hurt, George finally snaps out of it. She leads Carson and Ned to the Blue Iris Inn, where the girls had gone to track town the criminal group, followed by the police. They find Nancy and Bess and capture all of the crooks but one--Mr. Tombar. George apologizes for her freak-out and explains that the gang had threatened not only Nancy and her friends, but George and Bess's families as well. Along with the massive drugging and the fact that she saved their asses, I think all is forgiven.
And then Carson, Nancy, Bess and George head off to...WAIT. Where the hell is Ned?
Well, turns out he tackled Tombar in the kitchen of the Inn and has been sitting on him during the entire rescue. That's right. Just sitting on him. Wow. I guess Ned IS the Hulk.
This one is good. The action is fantastic and the story is much more cohesive, not taking the circuitous route of the sometimes-annoying "second mystery." The focus really is on the Velvet Gang and, despite their relatively boring names, they are pretty scary. I find myself taking away a mag because I wish they had dealt with the George storyline better. It seemed as though they could have focused more on the extent of her drugging (I'm pretty sure she was given opiates or something) to explain her panic and paranoia. But they didn't really spend too much time on George other than desperate pleas for Nancy to stay away from the mystery. I feel like the shift in the end where she snaps out of it would have been stronger if they had taken more time to explore that part of the story and less time on party after party of robberies and near-misses.
4/5 mags for this one.
It's a lesser-known original title. You know, like "War, What is it Good For?"
Our story starts with Nancy getting ready to attend a masquerade ball with Ned at a mutual friend's house. Nancy is a Spanish "senorita" (you know that just means Miss or young lady in Spanish, right Nancy?), and has a bullfighter costume all set for Ned, but it looks too tight--she is sure that Ned's muscular frame will cause the costume to burst! I am about to suggest that Ned go as a bullfighter/The Hulk, but then I realize I am making suggestions aloud to a book written over 50 years ago. In any event, Ned manages to squeeze his evidently body-builder-like physique into the bullfighter costume and they start to head out when...
WAIT! Carson has an ominous warning. Apparently there has been a rash of burglaries at parties in the area and Ned and Nancy should be careful. Nancy, of course, can barely contain her delight. The very concept of an exciting night out at a masquerade ball was simply too dull for her to bear--she needs a mystery.
And she is not disappointed. Not twenty minutes into the party, Nancy and Ned find a discarded VELVET MASK (Yay! Relevant title! Take THAT, Black Keys!)) and Nancy jokingly puts it on. However, a mysterious man sees her in the mask and whisks her onto the dance floor, berating her for being late for the heist--he's mistaken her for an accomplice! Nancy plays along, trying to smoke the gang out all in the first few pages of the book, but the lights suddenly go out, and the burglary is carried out despite the mistaken identity.
Nancy runs into a friend (doesn't it seem like she has about five thousand friends?) who works for the events company running the party, Linda Seeley, who tells her that she had warned the hosts to check invitations but hadn't been heard. Despite this, the assistant manager of the company, Mr. Tombar, blames Linda for the theft.
Enter Nancy Drew: Party Crasher. Nancy decides that crashing/"working undercover at" every local party is the way to go. What ensues can truly be described as a game of cat and mouse, where at times it seems that Nancy is about to catch the Velvet gang (named for their masks), and at times it seems they are closing in on her. At one point, Nancy is transporting an important clue and has George dress up like her to throw them off-track. Unfortunately, the gang kidnaps George thinking she is Nancy. They drug her heavily and threaten her in some nebulous way we don't discover until later.
After this point, George's character completely changes for the rest of the book. She is basically an shut-in, panicked and distraught at the idea of Nancy pursuing the case. Honestly, she seems to be having a nervous breakdown. Nancy, being a characteristically clueless friend, continues to show up at the poor girl's house and doesn't even have the common decency to lie and say she's given up the case. That being said, I'm as concerned as Nancy is; it seems like the sporty, tough girl that is George is disappearing.
Eventually, Nancy and Bess (who has taken a more brazen role in this mystery) discover that the assistant manager at the events company, Mr. Tombar, is actually the ringleader of the velvet gang, working with his wife and a few other couples.
BRIEF RANT: What is up with all of these "double date" criminals. I mean, do these people really go out with other couples, have a glass of wine, and then say something like: "Well, swinging isn't in fashion yet--let's go rob a bunch of people?" Is this an acceptable group date back in the day? Try bowling or painting pottery or something, people!
Nancy and Bess head out to capture the gang, stopping briefly by George's house to check in (and apparently make her more upset.) Fortunately, George's nervous breakdown pays off when the girls are captured and only George knows where they've gone. When Mrs. Fayne reminds her that Nancy and Bess could be seriously hurt, George finally snaps out of it. She leads Carson and Ned to the Blue Iris Inn, where the girls had gone to track town the criminal group, followed by the police. They find Nancy and Bess and capture all of the crooks but one--Mr. Tombar. George apologizes for her freak-out and explains that the gang had threatened not only Nancy and her friends, but George and Bess's families as well. Along with the massive drugging and the fact that she saved their asses, I think all is forgiven.
And then Carson, Nancy, Bess and George head off to...WAIT. Where the hell is Ned?
Well, turns out he tackled Tombar in the kitchen of the Inn and has been sitting on him during the entire rescue. That's right. Just sitting on him. Wow. I guess Ned IS the Hulk.
This one is good. The action is fantastic and the story is much more cohesive, not taking the circuitous route of the sometimes-annoying "second mystery." The focus really is on the Velvet Gang and, despite their relatively boring names, they are pretty scary. I find myself taking away a mag because I wish they had dealt with the George storyline better. It seemed as though they could have focused more on the extent of her drugging (I'm pretty sure she was given opiates or something) to explain her panic and paranoia. But they didn't really spend too much time on George other than desperate pleas for Nancy to stay away from the mystery. I feel like the shift in the end where she snaps out of it would have been stronger if they had taken more time to explore that part of the story and less time on party after party of robberies and near-misses.
4/5 mags for this one.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Book #29: The Mystery at the Ski Jump
Nancy vs. a Fake Fur Company, Reverend Moore from Footloose, and... herself
Two themes hail from The Mystery at the Ski Jump: 1) Diligence and evidence collection pays off, and 2) Nancy Drew is kind of an asshole.
Our story starts with bang, so to speak. One of the Drews' neighbors has a car crash into her house. The driver, a full-on-bitch named Mitzi Channing, manages to sell the neighbor and Hannah Gruen some fake stock and totally bail on the damages on her way out of town after the accident. She also manages to royally piss off Nancy by mocking her detective abilities. Ooooohhh, Mitzi. Don't go there. Anyway, with a name like Mitzi Channing, can't you just imagine her draped in fur and drinking a martini, plotting ways to kill off her rich husband?
Well, the imaginings I've projected onto you aren't far off, dear reader. Mitzi Channing has been selling stolen furs, and stock in a fake fur company to all the unwitting women of River Heights. Nancy, Bess and George follow her north from town to town, but she evades their grasp, even managing to convince a couple business owners that Nancy herself is the thief.
Oooohhhh, Mitzi. You just made a bad situation worse.
Not to be deterred, Nancy continues to follow up on some leads. The fake fur company seems to be located in Vermont, but it's in a place called "Dunstan Lake" which nobody seems to have ever heard of. A Mountweazel, perhaps? She goes to New York to visit Aunt Eloise, suspecting one of the crooks working with Mitzi has been peddling fake stock there. Unfortunately, Mitzi's cohort, Sidney Boyd, has left a whole slew of swindling victims in his wake.
Meanwhile, Bess and George find a fur trapper named John Horn who looks "like a cross between Daniel Boone and Santa Claus" and can tell the difference between a genuine and fake fur with his eyes closed. Naw, I'm just kidding. His eyes really do have to be open. Nancy briefly meets with him, but then jet-sets off to Montreal, seemingly to help her father on his own case before she continues with the fur mystery.
In Montreal, she finds even more clues as to the racketeering bunch (Seriously, why do the criminals follow her on vacation? They're just digging their own proverbial graves...) and meets a young handsome man named Chuck Wilson. Poor Chuck Wilson, a ski champion, has an unscrupulous uncle who threatens to keep him from his inheritance. You see, Chuck's own parents were joyful, carefree types, but his uncle hates anything of entertainment value-he won't even let Chuck dance or listen to music.
Aaaaaaannnnd then it's Footloose. Nancy promises to help Chuck bring dancing back to Bomont--ehr, I mean find proof to collect his inheritance. Apparently, the only man who could possibly know the truth is an old fur trapper (CONNECTION?!) named John Horn (CONNECTION.).
Nancy and Chuck make quite the pair, skiing together, having meals, blushing when his name comes up...I feel like I'm watching trouble brew before me. Fortunately, Nancy leaves Montreal without any chaste middle-grade indiscretions, and gets back to River Heights just in time to tell John Horn about the Footloose situation. Having discovered several clues about the possibly-fake Dunstan Lake, Vermont, trailing it all back to a P.O. box not far from her Aunt's summer home in the Adirondacks, Nancy decides that the whole group (Bess, George, Ned, Burt and Dave) should go meet up with Aunt Eloise, along with John Horn. Because, of course, Chuck Wilson is also going to be there for some reason.
It's all a little too convenient, but I let it slide (not without a price of half a mag).
We then realize that Nancy is a total asshole. While visiting the Adirondacks, and a local ski lodge, it becomes apparent that Chuck and Nancy have a bit of a rapport and had been hanging out in Montreal. At Ned's hurt expressions and clear jealousy, Nancy only shows "amusement," occasionally teasing Ned by letting Chuck insert himself into their daily activities.
Wow. Insensitive, thy name is Nancy Drew.
The thieves, who have of course also settled back in the Adirondacks (although at least that area, Montreal, and Vermont are all slightly close together), continue to do their dirty deeds while Nancy is hot on their trail. When she sees the nefarious Mitzi Channing ice skating nearby (because that seems smart--robbing a bunch of people and then stopping for a casual ice skating break) and discovers the twist of the book: Dunstan Lake is a MAN, not a place.
It's like a reverse Ambrose Chapel, guys!
The crooks kidnap Nancy and leave her to freeze in an abandoned cabin, but are eventually apprehended when she is freed by her friends. In an unusual turn, the crooks maintain their innocence instead of blurting out why they did it like they're in an episode of Perry Mason (the usual m.o. of Nancy Drew criminals). Fortunately, Nancy retraces her steps and finds evidence of stolen fur pelts, messages concerning the bad stock, and an easily-identifiable pair of stolen earrings Mitzi herself has on.
You see what happens, Mitzi?! You see what happens when you f*** a stranger in the a** THAT'S what happens, Mitzi! THAT's what happens!
Like I said, don't mess with Nancy. She's a methodical android of a girl, and is occasionally cold-hearted enough to dismiss even Ned's puppy dog eyes.
This one was great. I was a bit annoyed as per usual with the fact that people seemed to show up wherever Nancy went; I mean, if she were following the criminals it would be one thing, but they are clearly following her. I kind of imagine them all (still sipping martinis and draped in fur) saying: "I say, gang. That River Heights townie, Nancy Drew is going off to the Adirondacks. Who does she think she is, vacationing in places we might steal in? Let's all pay her a little visit, even though she has a 100% success rate in solving crimes perpetrated by scoundrels like us."
Idiots.
Anyhoo, I digress. Despite this problem, which I'm beginning to see is a problem with pretty much all Nancy Drew books, this was a really good one. It had a few twists and turns, and at one point I even thought John Horn (a.k.a. Santa Boone) might be in on the racket. All of our favorite characters were involved in the mystery, and the pacing was a welcome change from the Clue-of-the-Black-whatever-thing-it-was I just reviewed. This one gets 4 1/2 out of 5 mags.
P.S. Footloose gets his inheritance, by the way, but it's pretty much an afterthought. Nobody caaaaares, Chuck. Nobody cares.
Two themes hail from The Mystery at the Ski Jump: 1) Diligence and evidence collection pays off, and 2) Nancy Drew is kind of an asshole.
Our story starts with bang, so to speak. One of the Drews' neighbors has a car crash into her house. The driver, a full-on-bitch named Mitzi Channing, manages to sell the neighbor and Hannah Gruen some fake stock and totally bail on the damages on her way out of town after the accident. She also manages to royally piss off Nancy by mocking her detective abilities. Ooooohhh, Mitzi. Don't go there. Anyway, with a name like Mitzi Channing, can't you just imagine her draped in fur and drinking a martini, plotting ways to kill off her rich husband?
Well, the imaginings I've projected onto you aren't far off, dear reader. Mitzi Channing has been selling stolen furs, and stock in a fake fur company to all the unwitting women of River Heights. Nancy, Bess and George follow her north from town to town, but she evades their grasp, even managing to convince a couple business owners that Nancy herself is the thief.
Oooohhhh, Mitzi. You just made a bad situation worse.
Not to be deterred, Nancy continues to follow up on some leads. The fake fur company seems to be located in Vermont, but it's in a place called "Dunstan Lake" which nobody seems to have ever heard of. A Mountweazel, perhaps? She goes to New York to visit Aunt Eloise, suspecting one of the crooks working with Mitzi has been peddling fake stock there. Unfortunately, Mitzi's cohort, Sidney Boyd, has left a whole slew of swindling victims in his wake.
Meanwhile, Bess and George find a fur trapper named John Horn who looks "like a cross between Daniel Boone and Santa Claus" and can tell the difference between a genuine and fake fur with his eyes closed. Naw, I'm just kidding. His eyes really do have to be open. Nancy briefly meets with him, but then jet-sets off to Montreal, seemingly to help her father on his own case before she continues with the fur mystery.
In Montreal, she finds even more clues as to the racketeering bunch (Seriously, why do the criminals follow her on vacation? They're just digging their own proverbial graves...) and meets a young handsome man named Chuck Wilson. Poor Chuck Wilson, a ski champion, has an unscrupulous uncle who threatens to keep him from his inheritance. You see, Chuck's own parents were joyful, carefree types, but his uncle hates anything of entertainment value-he won't even let Chuck dance or listen to music.
Aaaaaaannnnd then it's Footloose. Nancy promises to help Chuck bring dancing back to Bomont--ehr, I mean find proof to collect his inheritance. Apparently, the only man who could possibly know the truth is an old fur trapper (CONNECTION?!) named John Horn (CONNECTION.).
Nancy and Chuck make quite the pair, skiing together, having meals, blushing when his name comes up...I feel like I'm watching trouble brew before me. Fortunately, Nancy leaves Montreal without any chaste middle-grade indiscretions, and gets back to River Heights just in time to tell John Horn about the Footloose situation. Having discovered several clues about the possibly-fake Dunstan Lake, Vermont, trailing it all back to a P.O. box not far from her Aunt's summer home in the Adirondacks, Nancy decides that the whole group (Bess, George, Ned, Burt and Dave) should go meet up with Aunt Eloise, along with John Horn. Because, of course, Chuck Wilson is also going to be there for some reason.
It's all a little too convenient, but I let it slide (not without a price of half a mag).
We then realize that Nancy is a total asshole. While visiting the Adirondacks, and a local ski lodge, it becomes apparent that Chuck and Nancy have a bit of a rapport and had been hanging out in Montreal. At Ned's hurt expressions and clear jealousy, Nancy only shows "amusement," occasionally teasing Ned by letting Chuck insert himself into their daily activities.
Wow. Insensitive, thy name is Nancy Drew.
The thieves, who have of course also settled back in the Adirondacks (although at least that area, Montreal, and Vermont are all slightly close together), continue to do their dirty deeds while Nancy is hot on their trail. When she sees the nefarious Mitzi Channing ice skating nearby (because that seems smart--robbing a bunch of people and then stopping for a casual ice skating break) and discovers the twist of the book: Dunstan Lake is a MAN, not a place.
It's like a reverse Ambrose Chapel, guys!
The crooks kidnap Nancy and leave her to freeze in an abandoned cabin, but are eventually apprehended when she is freed by her friends. In an unusual turn, the crooks maintain their innocence instead of blurting out why they did it like they're in an episode of Perry Mason (the usual m.o. of Nancy Drew criminals). Fortunately, Nancy retraces her steps and finds evidence of stolen fur pelts, messages concerning the bad stock, and an easily-identifiable pair of stolen earrings Mitzi herself has on.
You see what happens, Mitzi?! You see what happens when you f*** a stranger in the a** THAT'S what happens, Mitzi! THAT's what happens!
Like I said, don't mess with Nancy. She's a methodical android of a girl, and is occasionally cold-hearted enough to dismiss even Ned's puppy dog eyes.
This one was great. I was a bit annoyed as per usual with the fact that people seemed to show up wherever Nancy went; I mean, if she were following the criminals it would be one thing, but they are clearly following her. I kind of imagine them all (still sipping martinis and draped in fur) saying: "I say, gang. That River Heights townie, Nancy Drew is going off to the Adirondacks. Who does she think she is, vacationing in places we might steal in? Let's all pay her a little visit, even though she has a 100% success rate in solving crimes perpetrated by scoundrels like us."
Idiots.
Anyhoo, I digress. Despite this problem, which I'm beginning to see is a problem with pretty much all Nancy Drew books, this was a really good one. It had a few twists and turns, and at one point I even thought John Horn (a.k.a. Santa Boone) might be in on the racket. All of our favorite characters were involved in the mystery, and the pacing was a welcome change from the Clue-of-the-Black-whatever-thing-it-was I just reviewed. This one gets 4 1/2 out of 5 mags.
P.S. Footloose gets his inheritance, by the way, but it's pretty much an afterthought. Nobody caaaaares, Chuck. Nobody cares.
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