This thriller starts with an intriguing and original mystery. A blundering local postman, who has been working the neighborhood "forever" is accused by a nasty neighbor of losing or perhaps stealing an important (and perhaps mysterious letter).
Where do I start with this innovative plot? A postman accused! A mysterious letter! It's....wait. Wait just a minute.
It's the exact beginning plot of Nancy's Mysterious Letter. And what the hell happened to Ira Dixon? I know he was set to retire, but this Mr. Ritter has allegedly been there "forever." What the hell?
Well, fear not, chums. This isn't the only mystery. In fact, there seem to be about one gazillion packed into 200 pages.
Mystery #1: The Strange Case of the Derivative Storyline
First, the postman is accused of stealing a hundred dollar bill that was supposedly mailed to Mrs. Dondo, a gossipy new neighbor who claims her brother, Alonzo Rugby (VILLAIN!), sent her the cash in the mail. Who sends cash in the mail? First mistake. Also, Mrs. Dondo is what Eric Cartman would refer to as a "Super King Kamehameha Beeyotch." She proceeds to run around the neighborhood spreading rumors about Nancy (for a while insinuating she took the money) and generally assassinating the character of poor Ira Dix--er, Mr. Ritter.
Look out, Mrs. Dondo. Nancy Drew does not take kindly to those who mess with local postmen, apparently.
Mystery #2: The Hidden Window Mystery
In what seems to be a total diversion from this initial crisis, Nancy reads about an English man's plea to find an old stained glass window featuring a knight with a peacock symbol. A thin lead causes Nancy to arrange a trip to Charlottesville, VA to meet with an artist who specializes in stained glass windows. In a remarkable (yet I will not remark on it) coincidence, Nancy's cousin Susan Carr lives there with her husband. The girls arrange to stay with the Carrs and head off.
In an idiotic move, the villains (who Nancy doesn't even know about at this point) send our girl detective a fake telegram from Cousin Sue saying that they are not welcome any more and should not travel to Charlottesville. Of course, this only piques Nancy's interest, and she, Bess and George arrange for a hotel with their endless supply of travel money.
Mystery #3: The Mystery of the Masked Man
The girls have only just arrived in Charlottesville when they hear a news report on the radio that announces a bad car accident. The report lists none other than Susan Carr as a victim of the accident! The news report then goes on to describe Cousin Sue's vehicle, make and model and announce which hospital she was taken to. Good going, news. I would SO want you on the case if I was in a car accident that was clearly not accidental. Why don't you let us in on some good local knife sales and give us the room number too? Morons. Anyway, Nancy and co. dash to the local hospital, where they discover that Susan was run off the road by a man in a mask. When the girls question her about the strangely brusque telegram, Susan says she has no idea what they are talking about.
Way to jump the gun, villains.
Mystery #4: The Screaming Peacocks of Cumberland Manor
When Susan and the girls head back to the Carr estate, Susan's husband Cliff announces that he has yet another mystery for the girls to solve. I must point out that even George rolls her eyes at this point and says: "Not another one!" I feel that, George. But buckle up. There are more mysteries ahead.
Anyhoo, this neighborhood case involves some mysterious circumstances surrounding Cumberland Manor, which an older man named Mr. Honsho bought a few years back. Since the man moved in, he has refused to open the grounds of his estate for the famed annual garden show. In fact, he put a high wall around the property and doesn't want to chat with any of his neighbors. Not to mention the fact that strange screeching noises come from the house every night.
Okay, first of all (I've said it before and I'll say it again)...first world problems. He won't open his house for a garden show? Boo-frikkin'-hoo. The Carrs seem nice, but they're starting to sound a lot like the 1%. Also, this Mr. Honsho sounds like my kind of guy. Likes his privacy? Check. Refuses to engage in inane chatting? Check. Strange noises coming from the house at night? Well, check but don't get too excited. I just have a really loud laugh and the nighttime is when I watch Brooklyn 99.
Despite the ridiculousness that is this "mystery," Nancy accepts. When she and the girls try to visit, they are turned away by a young cowboy-looking groundskeeper (A cowboy? In Charlottesville?). They wander down the road a bit farther and see a beautiful but creepy looking estate bordering the Cumberland property called "Ivy Hall." Could it be another mystery? Confusingly, yes.
Back to Mystery #2: The Hidden Window Mystery
Nancy tracks down the stained glass window artist, Mr. Bradshaw and worms her way into taking lessons from him so that she can scope out his studio. Unsurprisingly, Nancy is a natural at stained glass window making. And why not? She certainly picked up Pennsylvania Dutch pretty fast.
Nancy sees from a magazine clipping that Mr. Bradshaw has also read about the reward and search for the hidden window--could he be the one trying to keep her off the case?
Eh, I don't know, guys. He doesn't have a very interesting name. And he's not described as wiry, shrewd, dark or piercing. Something doesn't add up...
Oh, wait, his assistant is Alonzo Rugby, the "dark," "small eyed" and strangely named brother of King Kamehameha Beeyotch Mrs. Dondo. Suddenly it all makes sense. You know, these books make me wonder how much the police are taking tips in racial profiling from Nancy Drew... Anyhoo. For a while, Nancy is able to pick up clues and ward off Rugby, but eventually Mr. Bradshaw accuses her of snooping (justifiably) and she is asked to leave the studio.
This apparently causes a problem for the Carrs, who are now losing dinner party guests as the Bradshaws have shunned them. More first-world problems.
Mystery #5: The Clue in Ivy Hall
A friend of the Carr's, Sheila Patterson (and her daughter Annette) corner Nancy at the Carr's dinner party. They have another mystery for the girls to solve. At this point, I become concerned that George's eyes will roll right out of her head. Mrs. Patterson, an actress, recently purchased the creepy-looking Ivy Hall but is now afraid that it is...HAUNTED!
Sheila just doesn't know what to do! If she sells the estate, she may not get a good price and might not even be able to (gulp) keep her servants. Oh no!
Another thing--not only have the Pattersons been hearing strange noises from their house, but they have also heard the odd shrieking. One night, Sheila saw a peacock wandering around the Ivy Hall grounds and is certain that it's a bad omen (apparently there is an actual theater superstition about peacock feathers and disasters on the set).
After several stakeouts of Ivy Hall and an ingenious scheme to smoke out the ne'er-do-well, Nancy figured out that Luke, the cowboy-looking groundskeeper from Cumberland Manor is behind the "haunting." A poor ranch hand, Luke read about the hidden window in the same magazine and thought that it might be in Ivy Hall due to the estate's rich history. At first, the creepy sounds he made were accidental--just banging around in the attic and walls--but then he realized that if the ladies thought the house was haunted he could have free reign to look around. In the end, Luke made some mistakes but isn't our real bad guy. Annette, Sheila's daughter even pities him enough to let him take her out on a date. Bess warns her that "pity is akin to love" and that she'd better watch out. Truer words have never been spoken, Bess.
Of course, Luke was right about the location of the hidden window...
Mysteries #1-5 Conclusion
In a fairly quick wrap-up, Nancy and the gang locate the hidden window just in time to expose Alonzo Rugby, who, along with his King Kamehameha Beeyotch of a sister Mrs. Dondo, was already trying to sell a cheap copy of the stained-glass masterpiece to its seeker. Nancy exposes him, reveals the real hidden window and saves the day...
...and I have whiplash from the sheer volume of mysteries. I really did like parts of this (especially the Ivy Hall plotline) but I felt the whole story was just too diffuse.
Mags: 3 out of 5
Number of times I hate rich people: [tugs collar nervously]
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