Alright, so I've come to a pretty bold conclusion: Fictional though it may be, I'm pretty sure that River Heights is a bustling metropolis the likes of San Francisco or New York City. Sure, it may seem like a small Midwestern town, but you can't deny the huge variety of locations and events in this allegedly tiny berg. Not only do they have regular theater, fashion shows, and sporting events, but it even seems to be split up into little enclaves. Instead of Chinatown, Little Italy, or India Square, there's Sailortown, Gypsy Corner, Unnamed-European-Principality Alley, and now...Little Centrovia!
Note: I looked it up just to be sure, because I've definitely been guilty of geography ignorance before, but the only references to Centrovia seem to be a car rental place on a tiny island off the coast of Portugal. While I did briefly entertain a fantasy in which citizens are fleeing an island that only wants to focus on car rentals and not ballet, this not NOT appear to be the case...
Back to Little Centrovia. Yes, that's right. Apparently, there are people all over the world who must flee from their homelands and dream of making it big in...River Heights. It's totally like that song "There's No Cats in America" from An American Tail. Could the streets be paved with cheese?
Nope, the streets are paved with crime. Which is ridiculous, considering the fact that Nancy is now of nearly international celebrity. Crooks keep thinking they can outsmart her but, being that they are incredibly stupid, it doesn't work out too well for them.
The Scarlet Slipper Mystery starts out with a near-plane crash, much to my dismay (I am deathly afraid of flying and even more deathly afraid of the constant barrage of plane-crash-porn on television these days). A soon-to-be-resident of Little Centrovia is terrified, thinking the plane will crash. Nancy, apparently blessed with precognition as well as detective skills, assures him that "just one engine is out" and that they'll be fine.
ONE ENGINE IS OUT?! @&*%%@%!!!
...is what I would be screaming in her practically-perfect face. But I digress. The plane does land safely, and she is met by Bess and George at the airport. Bess has to stop by a new dance studio in town, run by a brother and sister that have suspiciously similar accents to the Centrovian man on the plane. Could they be from the fakest-sounding country on the planet, Centrovia?!
Of course they are. And so is everyone who ever danced in River Heights. Maybe this whole country is like that town from Footloose (man, I sure make a lot of references to Footloose for someone who has never seen the movie...) and they know that River Heights has the best dances this side of the Muskoka.
Anyway, the brother and sister, named Henri and Helene Fontaine, are in trouble. Someone has been telling them they must leave town or they will be harmed. Nancy comes up with an elaborate scheme to pretend they've left town when they have really doubled back to stay at the Drews. Since every criminal on earth has her address at this point, however, they have to relocate Henri and Helene to the Nickerson's summer cabin.
Meanwhile, Nancy dives into a mystery that takes many twists and turns, all while trying to run the dance studio in Helene's absence. Several shady people try and bust in and force Nancy to reveal the Fontaines' location, but she refuses, which eventually gets her shoved down a flight of stairs. Ouch!
There's also a subplot with the initial man on the plane, Mr. Koff, and his daughter Millie, but to be perfectly frank, it isn't all-too crucial to the summary so I'll move on.
...Except to say that, even with made-up nationalities, the Nancy Drew books seem to find a way to boil them down to a mass generalization. Throughout the book, the Centrovians are described as "an overly excitable people" and everyone seems irritated that they don't speak English all the time.
Why don't YOU learn Centrovian, since you're basically an android, Nancy. Shiiiiiiiiitttt.
The mystery deepens when Nancy realizes that a pair of scarlet ballet slippers that belong to Helene, as well as a series of portraits Henri did of her dancing, may hold a secret. Unfortunately, the overly-excitable and loud Centrovian criminals keep stealing the things Nancy wants to check out. Bummer. Finally, she finds an untouched portrait and discovers diamonds hidden right in the strokes of the oil paint!
Of course, this discovery leads the crooks to up their game. They kidnap Henri and Helene. Not to be outdone, Nancy trails one of the criminals (an white lady in the gang named Mrs. Judson)--in fact, the same criminal who unceremoniously pushed Nancy down a flight of stairs--and deftly corners her at a train station. It's actually kind of an awesome reveal, with the shifty Mrs. Judson trying to sneak past and Nancy stepping out of the shadows all creepy, like: "Oh. Hello, Mrs. Judson." I've said it before and I'll say it again: do NOT mess with Nancy.
After Nancy finds out that the art dealer that bought some of Henri's paintings might be involved (a man named Mr. Renee), she drags Ned to a farmhouse where he may be staying. An old hearing-impaired man answers the door, but Nancy's finely-tuned observational eye doesn't miss the fact that the man stood up straight and reacted when he heard a dog bark. Sure enough, the couple sees the old man come out of the back door of the farmhouse, having removed the old-man disguise--this younger man is actually Tomas Renee!
Renee tries to convince them that the Fontaines are actually the criminals, but Nancy sees through his ruse. She and Ned split up to search the farmhouse. However, Renee quickly swoops in and abducts Nancy, stealing Ned's car and leaving her bound and gagged in the back seat with the windows rolled up (douche!). What ensues is a scene that almost makes me want to jump into River Heights: Criminal Suspicions mode. The officers make a few thinly-veiled comments about Renee having "disposed" Nancy somewhere and Ned starts to totally freak out, thinking that they are about to find Nancy's lifeless corpse in his car.
She's fine, of course, but poor Ned nearly has a heart attack. Meanwhile, Helene and Henri arrive, having managed to escape some hidden area in a nearby second farmhouse...
Um, what?
Yeah, this whole plot point didn't make much sense to me unless Henri and Helene were actually involved in the crime. Was there some kind of sign that said: "You are now leaving Kidnapping Location #1; this way to Kidnapping Location #2. P.S. That's where Nancy is"?
Mistaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!
In addition, when Nancy and the gang investigate the farmhouse again with a police escort, they keep smelling kerosene but don't seem to think they should do anything about it. Literally, Nancy smells the kerosene, wonders why the police officer would have kerosene, and shrugs it off. Of course, it is not the officer, but the gang of crooks trying to set fire to the house. And I don't buy it. Nancy would have never overlooked that or failed to investigate. Second Miiiiistaaaaaaake!
Nancy and the gang manage to escape the fire and climb their way out of these massive plot holes, however, and the criminals are overtaken. The story then redeems itself from it's climax-missteps by taking their time with a scene that explains the whole origin of the mystery, from back in Centrovia all the way to River Heights. Apparently, members of a freedom-loving underground faction of Centrovia (including Mr. Koff, Henri and Helene) were forced to flee their homeland. However, a set of shady brothers (Renee and the man known as Mr. Judson) try to capitalize on this revolution by smuggling jewels in the paintings they know are on their way to America. At some point, the Judsons (the French-Centrovian man who has been popping up everywhere and his loud, American wife) betray Renee and try to shift the blame for said betrayal onto Helene and Henri by forcing them to leave town, which makes them seem very guilty. Renee himself took to working with the brother of Mrs. Judson, named Red Buzby (VILLAIN!). Both were working so frenetically to outdo each other and get rid of the Fontaines while getting the jewels for themselves, that they ended up getting sloppy and getting caught.
In the end, the scarlet slippers are returned to Helene and she and her brother are able to re-open their dance studio in Little Centrovia. Awwwwwww.
I give this one a lot of crap but it was actually quite good. I'm taking off a mag for the ludicrous plot holes near the end and for the stereotyping. I'm giving this one 4/5 mags.
Head Injuries: 0 (13 total)
River Heights Cultural Enclaves: At least 4, right? Or possibly four thousand?
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