Notice what I did there? With the sarcastic quotation marks?
Yeah, not a real haunting...YET AGAIN. You know, I've never read Nancy Drew Ghost Stories but I can't imagine how you could get out of that one without a real ghost of some kind. Hmmmmm...maybe I shall have to add that special edition to my review pile...
In any event, this book was amazing. It starts out with Nancy losing her golf ball in the woods. Her caddy refuses to retrieve it because of the "ghost" (that's right, I'm sticking with the sarcastic quotation marks) that haunts an old rickety bridge over the ravine. Several people have seen a flowy figure and heard moaning and even screaming past the bridge.
Dude. If I were a ghost (or even a "ghost") I would SO not waste my time haunting an old rickety bridge. I'm going to haunt somewhere awesome like the catacombs, where people are already frightened and you could just push them right over the edge. Or I might wander around haunting various hotels and B&B's that aren't doing so well financially so they could re-market as part of Haunted America. Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I'm not a nice person...
So, Nancy's weenie of a caddy refuses to get the ball and they head back to the hotel to put in their final scores. Evidently, even as she missed a stroke, Nancy has one of the highest scores and qualifies for the ladies' golf tournament. Of course. Because Nancy can do anything. While Nancy, Bess and George are heading back to their hotel room, they run into the obsequious name-dropping glamour boy, Mortimer Bartescue.
Alright, his name is actually Martin Bartescue in the re-write but I just like the way Mortimer Bartescue rolls off the tongue.
Mortimer Bartescue just can't get enough of Nancy. He loooooves her. Of course, even if Ned wasn't in the picture, Nancy seems to barely restrain herself from puking whenever ole' Barty's around. Unfortunately, the slimy braggart seems hell bent on being her shadow. Also, when Carson Drew asks Nancy to help on a case involving a ring of jewel thieves, Mortimer Bartescue seems to be connected in some strange way to one of the suspects (he met her in Europe where he beat the King of Prussia at raquetball...or possibly when he was letting the Prime Minister win at bocce ball. All I remember is Nancy's face twisting in disgust).
Hmmmm. Funny name? Check. Somehow everywhere all the time? Check. Holding some connection with the suspects? CHECK. Could Mortimer Bartesque be one of the villains?!
Nope. No spoilers this time.
While pursuing the jewel thieves, Nancy also keeps an eye on Mortimer Bartescue who, at one point, gets so forward that she falls backwards off of a balcony to avoid his advances. Yikes. What will Ned think? In true Ned fashion, when Nancy tells him about the incident he mutters something about wanting to break ole' Barty's face, but inevitably defers to Nancy when he finds out the man is a possible suspect.
Meanwhile, even after spraining her wrist due to the busy hands of Mortimer Bartescue, is advancing in the golf tournament. That's right. Not only is Nancy a semi-pro, she can do it all with an injury. Makes sense. Ooohhh. Theory: COULD NANCY DREW BE AN ANDROID? More on that later...
Nancy eventually debunks the "haunted" bridge when out looking for her golf ball again--when she crosses the bridge she realizes that the flowy figure is a scarecrow and the moaning was trees. But what could the screaming be? Oh, it just turns out to be this old guy's pet MOUNTAIN LION. (Seriously?! Regular cats are moody enough!) When Nancy tries to talk to him, he runs away with his gun and accidentally shoots himself in the head. Kinda. It's just a flesh wound. But still!
As it turns out, the old man is acquainted with the woman that Nancy's father suspects of being part of the jewel thief ring, Margaret Judson. We find out that Miss Judson has an Olympic-level human interest story: all of her inheritance was lost after a fire and she was suspected of arson. She had to run away and break off her engagement to a local professor. Awwww...a sad story. Could she really be a criminal?
NO SPOILERS FOR YOU!
So, Nancy leaves Ned, Burt and Dave to take care of the man, Joe Haley and goes off gallivanting on her own to find Margaret Judson and her fiance. All the while, Mortimer Bartescue seems to be leading her on a wild goose chase with fake notes and mysterious codes, until she is more certain than ever that he's involved somehow in the jewelry ring.
In the end, Nancy finds Margaret Judson and proves her innocence. She even manages to locate the girl's lost inheritance and reunite her with her fiance. And win the golf tournament with a sprained wrist. Because Nancy Drew is an androi...ermm...perfect.
Mortimer Bartescue, surprisingly, has nothing to do with the crime! He's just an obnoxious tool with too much time on his hands, who heard that Nancy was a detective and wanted to outwit her. And...he kind of did. Nancy was completely fooled into thinking he was guilty, and so was I.
This has got to be a 5/5 mags. It really does have everything, from fake hauntings to espionage to love stories.
DATA (FROM STAR TREK: TNG)
*NOT EASILY HURT/REBOUNDS WELL FROM INJURY
*GOOD AT EVERYTHING
*EXCELLENT DEDUCTIVE REASONING
*SAVES THE DAY CONSTANTLY
*CLUELESS WHEN IT COMES TO HUMAN EMOTION
NANCY DREW
*NOT EASILY HURT/REBOUNDS WELL FROM INJURY
*GOOD AT EVERYTHING
*EXCELLENT DEDUCTIVE REASONING
*SAVES THE DAY CONSTANTLY
*CLUELESS WHEN IT COMES TO HER FRIENDS' EMOTIONS (NED'S JEALOUSY, BESS'S FRIGHT, GEORGE'S IRRITATION)
COINCIDENCE? YOU DECIDE.
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